14 November 2010

All in good time.

Sorry for the dry spell in writing, I really haven't been up to it much and there haven't been a whole lot of interesting things going on.
The topic for today is already pretty well known I think and won't be a surprise to the majority of the people who read my blog and talk with me. As I mentioned in a recent post things have been hard for me here and honestly, the month of October 2010 was maybe one of the hardest I've ever faced. I never understood what depressed people feel and how their life works, but now I can empathize very well. Being a foreigner is a very strange experience and I can't really tell about it in a way that everyone could understand. One can't understand it well unless they've experienced it themselves. At first it started out with homesickness, but that turned into an overall dislike and even loathing of everything here. No motivation, no desire, just a feeling of dislike and unhappiness. After much thinking and weighing my options, I decided that I didn't want to be here for another semester. I have considered changing schools within Spain and going down to Sevilla or Granada for the second semester, but I have decided that what I really want and what I think is best for me right now is to go back to FLC for the winter.
I'm looking forward to it and I can picture myself there. That's one thing that has bothered me is that I haven't been able to picture myself being here until June, it just seems unfathomable. I know it's good to walk into the dark sometimes and create your own light, but I don't think this is the time nor place for me to do that. Going home won't be easy, there are technicalities I have to get around and lots of mixed feelings still, but it will work out as it's suppose to. I've been praying a lot and finding guidance in God; it's been good. I've been asking for lots of signs and I don't think I made this decision alone.
Now things are so much better and I know it's because I have made up my mind and no longer struggle with where I will be. It has made it harder to decide to go home since my mood has improved so much, but I know that it's because I'm in a better state of mind from my choice.
So in a few months I'm sure I will be writing about what I miss about Spain! But for now it's good to know that I can fully enjoy my time here without much burden.

Ciao for now!

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